As a practicing Canadian Family Physician, I’ve had the privilege of following families through life’s biggest milestones—both medically and emotionally. Over the past few years, I’ve noticed an unsettling shift among my adolescent patients: increased depression, anxiety, poor sleep, school refusal, and even suicidal thoughts—often tied to excessive screen time and social media overuse.
Many of these youth spend 5+ hours daily on platforms like TikTok and Snapchat. While some have underlying vulnerabilities such as ADHD or social anxiety, we must ask: are we doing enough to protect these at-risk kids from environments that amplify their struggles?
This growing concern has led me to develop a simple but effective framework—the “5 R’s”—to help parents assess whether their child is truly ready for smartphone ownership and all that comes with it.
1. What’s the REASON?
When your child begins asking for a phone, or you think they need a phone, begin with asking why. Most often, it’s for safety, or to allow your child to socialize with their peers. There are now many smartphone/watch alternatives on the market that can serve both of these purposes without giving your child access to more dangerous apps from the outset. Some options include Bark, Pinwheel, Gabb, and the Garmin Bounce watch. A “dumb phone” serves this purpose as well, although it doesn’t have tracking. I strongly recommend your child’s first device is not a smartphone.
You can also get creative by allowing some limited access to social media apps on your phone. These are all ways to give your child, and you, a gradual introduction to the online world.
2. Are They RESPONSIBLE?
Is your child attending school, and putting forth their best effort? Do they complete chores without a big fight? Could they speak for themselves at the doctor’s office, or order their own meal at a restaurant? How do you think they would care for their own phone?
These are some examples of basic responsibilities that should be prerequisite to smartphone ownership. If they are not currently responsible with their daily tasks and belongings they aren’t ready for a smartphone.
3. Are They RESPECTFUL?
Do they respect you, their teachers and their friends? Do they respect your boundaries around current technology like TV, video games and iPad time? If they already have trouble regulating here, a smartphone will be much more difficult.
Do you feel they will behave respectfully online? Have you had conversations about this?
4. Are They RISK-AWARE?
Is your child aware of online dangers like sextortion, pornography, online predators, location sharing etc? Can they truly appreciate these harms (which is different from reciting a list generated by ChatGPT)? Do they have an approach to how they would deal with such a situation?
This also requires you to be informed and really know the unique harms on each platform your child is asking to use. If you’re not ready to have these conversations with your child, then they aren’t ready for a smartphone.
5. Are They RESILIENT?
How does your child deal with peer pressure? Do they have a sense of who they are in the world, with real-life interests and activities? Will they be able to look at what they see online with skepticism? Do they already struggle with their mental health in a way that may make them more vulnerable to the pressures online?
This last point, tends to set the younger teens apart from the older teens. In my experience, prior to age 17, kids don’t have much skepticism about their experiences online. They lack insight into the impact their time online may be having on their mental and physical health. When I see patients in their late teens years or early 20’s, they have a different perspective. They may still struggle to regulate their use, but they are able to see the impact it has on them. And almost all of them tell me that it’s harmed them, and they will not be giving their future children access at such a young age.
So while there is always nuance, and every child is different, my general recommendation to parents is this: delay as long as you can, stay as informed as you can, model healthy use of technology, and enrich your child’s life as much as you can in the real world.
